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Books: A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson, Isaac's Storm by Erik Larson, The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson, Nothing Like it in the World by Stephen E. Ambrose, Zany Afternoons by Bruce McCall, How To Play With Your Food by Penn & Teller

Movies: Lost, The Simpsons

Hobbies: Gloating, striving to dodge the debris that will be flying in all directions

The details of my life are quite inconsequential.... Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament... My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon... luge lessons... In the spring, we'd make meat helmets... When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with wet reeds — pretty standard, really. At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Wilma ritualistically shaved my testicles — there really is nothing like a freshly shorn scrotum — it's quite breathtaking... I suggest you try it.